The Fast Food Wars Are Moving

After a long lapse in coverage the Fast Food Wars are now being moved to the Wackemall News Network--  home of Wackemall News and a division of  Wackemall Mining, Manufacturing, Farming & Transportation... Wackemall.com, Leading no one and going nowhere fast....

All the Fast Food archives as well as the latest coverage of the Fast Food Wars will be found there along with Parking Meter Poetry, Billy's Page 3 Girls, Holidaze and more.



What Others Are Saying About Fast Food Wars

Coming soon, I hope. As soon as others start talking about it, if they start talking about it...

My Story:

I began documenting the Fast Food Wars several years ago as an embedded journalist, deep behind enemy lines, as part of the search for WMDs (Weapons of Mass Distraction.) But as fate would have it, I stumbled upon secrets the Main Stream Media and the publishing industry refused to make known so I took it upon myself to anonymously publish my first hand accounts to the Internet via third parties in the hope the World will someday know the truth.

When that didn't work I started a blog.

My dispatches lack a time line because of the often changing and circuitous routes the messengers must take in order to avoid detection. "Don't shoot the messenger" is not atypical in modern warfare. One messenger might get lucky and travel the world in days while another might take months. It's the same way when messages are relayed back to me. I once got word of an assassination attempt the day after it happened.

Don't bother trying to contact me as I remain the target of a fast food terrorist group known as Micky Ds, lead by a notorious red headed clown who has vowed to torture me and kill me with giant infusions of Cholesterol should they ever find me.

So I guess you're wondering why I post many of my reports in rhyming verse instead of the usual style? Simple really, the Colonel, the Clown and the King have never been able to crack the code and stop my dispatches before they're posted by friends and fellow freedom fries in constantly changing, undisclosed locations, hidden deep in areas outside of the control of colonels, clowns and kings.

That's right, while it may look to most that the King is on our side, his motives are just as deadly as the terrorist clown he battles. And the Colonel? He's a mercenary, a soldier of fortune, a gun for hire. You never know who's side he's on. When it comes to the Fast Food Wars, everyone is your enemy. There is no one you can trust lest you end up fried or taken down with a Sonic Blast, a Kid's Pack or any one of the dozens of WMDs they are known to keep in their arsenals.

Like me, your lives are on the line-- be afraid and think about my warnings each time you think about take-out.

About The Author, No, Really:

Billy is the author of several books, struggling inventor, environmentalist, mental case, a motorcycle tramp an avid motorcyclist and founding partner in StolenMotorcycle.net, a database designed to help in the return of stolen motorcycles.

Billy also writes
Wackemall, Billy's Two Wheeled Musings and More!
RecycleBill's RecycleBlog
Reindeer Tales


The Biscuits In The Army, They Say Are Mighty Fine

Cheesy Party Biscuits

We were way out in the boonies
near a town called Biscuitville;
Honey Bun, she met us there;
always fresh, she is a thrill.

The gravy flowed through their quiet abode
Sweet Tea, she made a mint
selling Splenda to the dough boys
for a ninety to ten split.

Whopper Jr., he complained,
“That’s not a square deal meal.
Come on, let’s get out of here;
of dough, I’ve had my feel.”

So off we went, our apples spent,
Muffin hiding in the trunk.
Chicken fried, I almost died
when Biscuit caught us in the bunk.

And the Cheesy Party Biscuits played to an empty house, "and one rolled off the table and killed a pal of mine..."

Fast Food Poetry is made possible by the most affordable transportation money can buy-- flip flops.


Fast Food Fascist?

Fast Food God

Little Caesar eyed the world,
"Someday this will be mine.
Friends, Romans, countrymen:
I'm Caesar, I'm divine.
Summon the King, summon the Clown,
summon Wendy too.
Tell them, report right away
or their fast food war is through.

Tell them I've got killer bread sticks
and a different world view too.
Tell them I'm a god
of fast food and faster roux.
Tell them I'll leave them all awash,
there's nothing I won't do
to pizza, pizza them to death--
their fortunes, I'll accrue.

Dry Cleaning Fast Food?

Black, White And Furry

The Secret Panda Service
stood hidden, just from view,
ready to dry clean Ronald, the King
and everyone who knew.
Lo Mein was smoking cigarettes
while Chow Mein lit the fuse
on Ronald's little circus...

Sorry, to end short but I've got tickets for the Panda Express and don't want to be stuck on a slow boat when I could be riding a fast train. Later!

Make Mine A Biggie!

Fast Food Delights

A spicy chicken sandwich
walked down my street today,
said she was a happy meal,
said I could have it my way.
She said with her friend, Whopper,
they’d give me quite a shake,
said meet them at the border
where their friend Wendy waits.

And her friend Parfait said,
“I’m sweet on you.”


Doing The McCafe Shuffle

Calling In Flavors

Ronald was busy greenwashing when the King, he walked in,
saying, "What are you going to do? Wendy's in Japan
and now she's number 2.
You promised me, if I played your game
they'd all soon get in line
but things ain't working out that way--
your job is on the line!"

So the two of them, they plotted,
plotted all night through,
planning every little step--
just what they plan to do.
I listened in the best I could,
hoping I could defuse it
but just as things got juicy,
someone turned up the music!

What will the red headed clown and BK do next? How about the McCafe Shuffle?