The Fast Food Wars Are Moving

After a long lapse in coverage the Fast Food Wars are now being continued at the Wackemall News Network--  home of Wackemall News and a division of  Wackemall Mining, Manufacturing, Farming & Transportation... Wackemall.com, Leading no one and going nowhere fast....

All the Fast Food archives as well as the latest coverage of the Fast Food Wars will be found there along with Parking Meter Poetry, Billy's Page 3 Girls, Holidaze and more.


Doing The McCafe Shuffle

Calling In Flavors

Ronald was busy greenwashing when the King, he walked in,
saying, "What are you going to do? Wendy's in Japan
and now she's number 2.
You promised me, if I played your game
they'd all soon get in line
but things ain't working out that way--
your job is on the line!"

So the two of them, they plotted,
plotted all night through,
planning every little step--
just what they plan to do.
I listened in the best I could,
hoping I could defuse it
but just as things got juicy,
someone turned up the music!

What will the red headed clown and BK do next? How about the McCafe Shuffle?


I Can't Keep Doing This

Reporting on the Fast Food Wars is a lousy job. For starters, the pay sucks and the hours... Used to be the hours were okay but now that everyone is open late night and early for breakfast, there's no time the war isn't in full swing.

Then there's the fact that no matter how bad the war gets, no one believes it's real. That is, except for those who fried and they ain't talking. There's not a day goes by that I don't tell myself I should get a job flipping burgers somewhere. Problem is, who will tell the story if I don't?

I can't keep doing this but I can't quit.


Fast Food Wars Come To North Carolina

Skipper's Hot Dogs

The King went down to Skipper's Hot Dogs.
Ronald drove the car.
Tired, they pulled in the old drive thru
as they'd traveled very far.
But when the dogs began to bark
Ronald stepped down on the gas
to speed the King far from it all
for fear it'd be their last.

Just a note for those who may not be familiar with my telling of the Fast Food Wars, or the chain of one that is Skipper's Hot Dogs located on East Market Street in Greensboro, NC. As you pull into the drive thru at Skipper's (Formerly Skip's) you are greeted with the recorded sounds of a barking dog on the drive thru speakers before a human takes your order. But as tacky as it may seem and as poor as the building might appear when compared to national chains, Skipper's Hot Dogs are among the best you'll ever taste and just as deadly.


Crossing Journalistic Lines

I was only supposed to report what I saw-- no more. But wars have a way of getting under your skin, pushing you to do things you'd never imagine. Besides, as far as the clown was concerned, we are all potential victims customers.

If you weren't there, then you have no right to judge me.

I Didn't Understand A Word She Said

Mandarin Chicken

A Mandarin chicken clucked in Chinese,
said, “For just a Frosty
I’ll do anything you please,”
but Wendy, hot and juicy,
couldn’t understand a word
and served-up fresh chili
to the funny talking bird.

And so it is, another fast food delight, lunch with a poet and his pen is enough to drive even the poet mad. But then, war is always maddening.

What Ronald Doesn't Want You To Know

Closet Delights

Jack In The Box refused to pop,
Ronald only shook his head.
"Jack, I paid you, do the job
or I'll make sure you're dead."

But the red headed clown, his smile a frown
just couldn't get Jack to blow it
so now old Ronald counts his friends
and wonders if they know it.

Is the clown really a switch hitter? And what about Jack In The Box, does he spring both ways too? Who would have ever guessed? And what of the scandal should Ronald's friends find out? Could this be used against the clown in the Fast Food War and bring about the death of the world's last super-power?

Aw, I doubt it.