The Fast Food Wars Are Moving

After a long lapse in coverage the Fast Food Wars are now being moved to the Wackemall News Network--  home of Wackemall News and a division of  Wackemall Mining, Manufacturing, Farming & Transportation... Wackemall.com, Leading no one and going nowhere fast....

All the Fast Food archives as well as the latest coverage of the Fast Food Wars will be found there along with Parking Meter Poetry, Billy's Page 3 Girls, Holidaze and more.



What Others Are Saying About Fast Food Wars

Coming soon, I hope. As soon as others start talking about it, if they start talking about it...

My Story:

I began documenting the Fast Food Wars several years ago as an embedded journalist, deep behind enemy lines, as part of the search for WMDs (Weapons of Mass Distraction.) But as fate would have it, I stumbled upon secrets the Main Stream Media and the publishing industry refused to make known so I took it upon myself to anonymously publish my first hand accounts to the Internet via third parties in the hope the World will someday know the truth.

When that didn't work I started a blog.

My dispatches lack a time line because of the often changing and circuitous routes the messengers must take in order to avoid detection. "Don't shoot the messenger" is not atypical in modern warfare. One messenger might get lucky and travel the world in days while another might take months. It's the same way when messages are relayed back to me. I once got word of an assassination attempt the day after it happened.

Don't bother trying to contact me as I remain the target of a fast food terrorist group known as Micky Ds, lead by a notorious red headed clown who has vowed to torture me and kill me with giant infusions of Cholesterol should they ever find me.

So I guess you're wondering why I post many of my reports in rhyming verse instead of the usual style? Simple really, the Colonel, the Clown and the King have never been able to crack the code and stop my dispatches before they're posted by friends and fellow freedom fries in constantly changing, undisclosed locations, hidden deep in areas outside of the control of colonels, clowns and kings.

That's right, while it may look to most that the King is on our side, his motives are just as deadly as the terrorist clown he battles. And the Colonel? He's a mercenary, a soldier of fortune, a gun for hire. You never know who's side he's on. When it comes to the Fast Food Wars, everyone is your enemy. There is no one you can trust lest you end up fried or taken down with a Sonic Blast, a Kid's Pack or any one of the dozens of WMDs they are known to keep in their arsenals.

Like me, your lives are on the line-- be afraid and think about my warnings each time you think about take-out.

About The Author, No, Really:

Billy is the author of several books, struggling inventor, environmentalist, mental case, a motorcycle tramp an avid motorcyclist and founding partner in StolenMotorcycle.net, a database designed to help in the return of stolen motorcycles.

Billy also writes
Wackemall, Billy's Two Wheeled Musings and More!
RecycleBill's RecycleBlog
Reindeer Tales


Eating The Empire

Big Mac Attack!

The Big Mac Attack is coming soon
and all will then be lost.
The red headed clown will put us down
no matter what the cost.
So hide your chicken sandwiches
and all that you hold dear
for all that is left will be sesame seeds,
when Big Mac, he gets here.

Could the end of the Fast Food War be near or are the fries just overcooked?


The Cretaceous–Paleogene Fast Food Extinction

Tyrannosaurus Dog

Red hot wieners scurry 'bout
avoiding giant clowns,
and kings who live to torture them,
crush them to the ground.
Like rodents and the dinosaurs,
wieners slowly wait their time
when the giant beasts with tiny brains
have lived beyond their prime.

Like the dinosaurs of 65 Million years ago, the giants of fast food will become extinct as the ultimate victims of the Fast Food Wars. And I will be here to report it while rewarding those who pass the mustard.

Don't Drink The Water

Wild Nights At The Border

The Spicy Chicken Burrito
kicks high up her heels,
her dancing friend, Taco Salad,
offers me a combo deal.
Viva Variety and a Taco
sing with the Supremes,
Big Bell looks at me and shouts,
“Gringo, only in your dreams!”

And so I make a run for the border.

The Biscuits In The Army, They Say Are Mighty Fine

Cheesy Party Biscuits

We were way out in the boonies
near a town called Biscuitville;
Honey Bun, she met us there;
always fresh, she is a thrill.

The gravy flowed through their quiet abode
Sweet Tea, she made a mint
selling Splenda to the dough boys
for a ninety to ten split.

Whopper Jr., he complained,
“That’s not a square deal meal.
Come on, let’s get out of here;
of dough, I’ve had my feel.”

So off we went, our apples spent,
Muffin hiding in the trunk.
Chicken fried, I almost died
when Biscuit caught us in the bunk.

And the Cheesy Party Biscuits played to an empty house, "and one rolled off the table and killed a pal of mine..."

Fast Food Poetry is made possible by the most affordable transportation money can buy-- flip flops.


Ronald Out Of The Closet

Naked Burgers

Ronald screamed, "Enough of this!
This has got to stop.
I'm the only pervert here--
someone call the cops!"